FP Squared

Today marks FIVE years since our journey with epilepsy began.

I don't know whether that's something to celebrate or not, but I do feel like doing significant to acknowledge the memory anyway.

I have been thinking about what I could do for it this all morning, and I have come up with an idea.

Several years ago I watched a show on tv about a woman who had a trial in her life (can't remember what the specifics were) and because of it, years later, she started some program to help people in her same situation. The part that has stuck with me are the words "I have found my purpose from my pain." How beautiful is that?

I have often wondered, "what is the point of this happening to our family?" I believe that everything does happen for a reason. There have been many times in my life where I have looked at my past and thought, "So that's why." Other times I have just found myself being grateful for trials because without them, I wouldn't have gained or learned what I needed in my life.

So there has just got to be something significant that we will get out of the last 5 years. I decided this morning to stop waiting around for realizing what the point of it all is. I am going to start a project for myself. I am calling it my Finding Purpose From Pain project or

FP Squared.

I am sure as time goes by, the reasons will show up on their own. But until they do, I am gonna start looking for them myself.

I have a few ideas. When Dawson first started wearing his helmet, I thought to myself "someday when this is over and I have the time, I am going to start a small business of designing decal for children's helmets." Putting something so bulky and ugly that covers child's head can be really hard on an entire family. Decorating it, making it fun, makes a huge difference. So maybe someday I will get around to that.

I have had a lot of other ideas about basic day to day things that would help people with epilepsy...

Or I would LOVE someday, when this is all over, to be a support to mom's in my situation now. Watch their kids so they can sleep, bring in meals, just LISTEN when it's needed.

I dunno. But at least the ideas are starting to bubble. Anything to make all of this WORTH it.

It will come.

For today's FPsquared, I don't have time for anything fancy. Instead I had an idea of something we could do to serve a friend. The kids and I will deliver that tonight after I am done teaching at 7 which will be exactly 5 years later. Nothing makes me feel better than when I do something for someone else. I want to have that feeling tonight instead of a depressed "it's been 5 years" blue.

I think that will be the best way for us to remember tonight. FP Squared :)